The Leading Cause of Death

Roger's step-mother, Beverly, (we called her Bebs) passed away Wednesday night after a long battle with colon cancer. She and dad had been married for 11 years. And, even though she is now pain-free and with the Lord, we are very sad...especially for dad. Roger's mother died from ovarian cancer in 1994, so we are so sad to see him have to go through this again. Dad tends to be quite a philosophical man, and one of his many lofty quotes is, "The leading cause of death is life. And we all have a terminal case." I've thought about this many times over the last few weeks as we've known Bebs' time was coming to an end. Even though I understand, and can even appreciate the meaning, it doesn't really make me feel any better. When my mother died, there were several well-meaning people that would say things like, "You should be glad she's in a better place." (What? I should be glad?) Or, "You can be thankful she's not in pain anymore." (I'm supposed to be thankful?) Or, my favorite, "God will always bring good from our pain...perhaps someone came to know the Lord because of her death." I look back now and know they weren't trying to intentionally be unkind... but all I could feel was the pain of her absence. I didn't care if somebody got saved bcause of her death! I wanted her here. Our relationship with Bebs is obviously not as deep as the relationship with my mother, but we are still sad that she is gone and would have liked for her to be around a lot longer. She is the only grandmother my children have ever known.

A Mother/Daughter Color Challenge

It's amazing, but I actually had time to do Kristina Werner's color challenge...2 weeks in a row is a record for me! When I decided to go to the stamp room and play, Katie came with me. I explained the color challenge. She wanted to play too. She had really liked the "cute as a pumpkin" stamp and wanted to use it. I had the idea to do the masking...so we both created a card. Here's the challenge:

We were supposed to use Chocolate Chip, Bravo Burgundy, Pumpkin Pie, So Saffron, and Old Olive.

Here's my card.

Card stock--Pumpkin Pie, Bravo Burgundy, Very Vanilla

Ink--Basic Black, Chocolate Chip, Pumpkin Pie, Old Olive, So Saffron,

Supplies--Aqua Painters, Pumpkin Pie and Burgundy Ribbon,

Here's Katie's card:

I can't figure out why it's turned. It doesn't look like that in my camera or in the file where I've saved it in my computer. Another cybermystery!

I love this craft! It gives Katie and me the opportunity to "play" together but still work on our own projects.

Another Anniversary

My mother died today...19 years ago. I've always thought it was sort of a cruel joke that she died on April Fool's Day. Each year, I replay the events leading to her death...and each year I think that it won't bother me. Actually, bother is the wrong word. I just miss her more. And, I guess I'm just mad that she's not here to be a part of our lives, especially the lives of her grandkids. And, every year, about a week before April 1, I get a little more emotional...a little weepy...and quiet. I don't really talk about it much because I get tired of getting all emotional. I get tired of crying about it, so it's easier to just not discuss it too much. I'm weeping as I write this, and my throat is all tight, and my nose is running, and it gives me a slight headache. I hate that! I get tired of cleaning myself up, and then doing it again... Anyway, I have a friend that has recently gone through a loss, and the truth is, there's just nothing to say. The big question is, "Why did God let this happen?" Silence. No answer. It took me about 4 years to get back to a "first name basis" with God. I never lost my salvation, or anything like that...I know God was with me, and holding me, and walking with me... but it was just so painful to be in his presence with such a feeling of loss. After about 4 years, when the pain wasn't as fresh, there was a time with the Lord when I let go of the big question. I suppose you could say it was a crossroads...either have faith that he knows what he's doing, or say, "to heck with the whole thing". I chose faith. Doesn't mean I don't think about her every day though. Since her death, I've lost my dad, both grandmothers, one grandfather, and my mother-inlaw. My family now is so different from what I had growing up, and what I had hoped my children would have. So, I'm glad that today is over...