Saturday, June 20, 2009

Ode to the Japanese Beetle

I don't toss around the word "hate" too often, but I have to be honest. I hate Japanese beetles. I hadn't seen too many around until these last two days. They are getting worse each day. I even called Handy Man at work yesterday a little freaked out because I was seeing so many flying around outside as I looked out my kitchen window. They're just evil looking...straight from... well, you know...
These are pictures of some JB on our lovely grape fines!! Argh!! On the picture below, it's hard to see, but there are about 6 beetles on that leaf. Double Argh!!!!
I am so bothered by these horrible creatures, I wrote an Ode.
Ode to a Japanese Beetle
How do I hate thee, let me count the ways.
You fly into my forehead causing me to slap myself unnecessarily.
You land in my hair leading me to dance around flailing like a spasmodic idiot.
But worst of all, you foul creature, you eat the leaves off my lovely fruits and vegetables.
I loathe you.
I dread the time of year you emerge from your hellish cocoon,
roaming to see what you can devour.
(Yes, the biblical analogy is intended.)
We will fight you oh formidable foe...
Insecticide is our friend as we wrestle to save our beautiful, sustaining crops.
Be gone you miserable, repulsive mass.

What do you think? You didn't know I had it in me, did you?


Suzanne said...

So, I'm just going out on a limb here, but I sense a slight hostility towards the beetles? They probably fled from the Rodgers home.

Cindy McLean said...

Come on Trish...tell us how you truly feel! I'm like you...after spending time and money on your "crops" to have them ravenged by a bug....I hear ya sista!

Sun-Kissed Savages said...

Wow, Trish, I'm impressed!! You keep revealing more and more talents. I had no idea poetry was part of your repertoire!!

Laura said...

Amen Sister!! Well said. I also have developed a real "hatred" for the Japanese beetle this week.

Jerri Dalrymple said...

Wow! You get 'em girlfriend! I'm gonna try the bag thing. Yep. Let me know if you find any tride and true cures!

Adelia said...

"You land in my hair leading me to dance around flailing like a spasmodic idiot."

I thought I was the only one who did this dance!!! I did it at the Rodeo Saturday night. I was trying for CowGirl cool, alas I failed.

We don't like 'em either my dear. Keep fighting the good fight!

Anonymous said...

Oh I almost woke the house up laughing! I am impressed.

I have to tell you though that I really loved JB's when I was a little girl. We chased them with open paper sacks to see who could catch the most. Then we tied a string to their leg & had a little helicopter buzzing around our heads. I LOVED chasing them. I wish I could run like that now!

I am not fond of them now - they eat my zinnias faster than anything. Not to grose(sp) you out too much but I pick them off one at a time & drop them into a bowl of bleach. It's bad I know. I hadn't noticed them here yet, I better check my zinnias!

Still, I can't see them without remembering how much fun I had with them.

Paula said...

Go to the gardening store or walmart and get the japanese beetle traps and put them by your garden so you can have a little garden left. lol

thehesters1 said...

Great poem! I think you have expressed all of our feelings very well. The stupid bugs have made it to my garden also. My green bean leaves look like swiss cheese. So frustrating! Someone told me we have about two more weeks of these bugs before they leave.